So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Howard Payne: Be prepared. It's the Boy Scout marching song.

Harry Temple: You shot me, I can't believe it. They're giving you a medal for shooting me, you little prick! Jack Traven: Harry... you TOLD me to.

Harry: Guts'll get you so far, then they'll get you killed.

Harry: [Drunk] Well, I'm gonna go home, have some sex. Jack: Harry, you're gonna go home and throw up. Harry: Well, that'll be fun too.

Howard Payne: Jack, nothing tricky now. You know I'm on top of you! DO NOT attempt to grow a brain!

Jack: Harry, there's enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world!

Jack: It's a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins. Annie: What if you win? Jack: Then tomorrow we'll play another one. Annie: But I'm not avalible to drive tomorrow. Busy.

Ortiz: Just keep it steady. Annie: Oh, thanks for the tip, Ortiz.

[After the elevator falls.] Elevator passenger: Jesus. Bob, what button did you push?

Jack Traven: You're crazy! You're fuckin' crazy! Howard Payne: NO! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric.

Swat Cop: Anything else that'll keep this elevator from falling? Jack Traven: Yeah. The basement.

Jack Traven: Tell me again Harry, why did I take this job? Harry Temple: Oh come on, thirty more years of this, you get a tiny pension and a cheap gold watch. Jack Traven: Cool.

Harry Temple: All right, pop quiz. Airport. Gunman with one hostage. He's using her for cover; he's almost to a plane. You're a hundred feet away. Jack? Jack Traven: Shoot the hostage.

Howard Payne: Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?

Howard Payne: There will come a time, boy, when you'll wish you never met me. Jack Traven: Mister, I'm already there.

Harry: I'm going to go home. Have some sex. Jack: Harry, you're going to go home and puke. Harry: Yeah, well, that'll be fun too.

Stephens: I'm such a yokel. There. I said it.

[Traven spots the explosive device (it's huge); Stephens is relaying his observations by cel-phone.] Jack Traven: Fuck me!! Stephens: "Oh, darn."

Helen: Are they going to help us? Stephens: Sure they are, they're the police. Hey, your taxes are paying their salaries. We die, they gotta take a pay cut.

[Jack is helped onto the bus after trying to defuse bomb] Stephens: Did you have any luck with the bomb? Jack Traven: Yeah, it didn't go off.

Jack: STOP! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car! Tuneman: Hey man, this is MY car, I OWN this car, it's NOT stolen. Jack: It is now. Move over.

Jack Traven: Miss, can you handle this bus? Annie: Oh sure. It's just like driving a really big Pinto.

Stephens: [Dismayed] We're at the airport. Ortiz: Yeah, so? Stephens: I already seen the airport.

Annie: So you're a cop, right? Jack: That's right. Annie: Well, I should probably tell you that I'm taking the bus because I had my driver's license revoked. Jack: What for? Annie: Speeding.

[After remotely killing a hostage, then promptly hearing about it on the TV news.] Howard Payne: Interactive TV, Jack! Wave of the future - ha ha ha, huh?

Annie: What is that smell? Jack Traven: It's gas. Annie: We're leaking gas?! Jack Traven: We are now. Annie: What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?

[After surviving the bus explosion] Annie: You're not going to get mushy on me, are you? Jack: Maybe. I might. Annie: I hope not, 'cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last. Jack: Oh yeah? Annie: Yeah, I've done extensive study on this.

Ortiz: You're not too bright man, but ya got some big round hairy cajones. Jack Traven: That's very gross Ortiz. Ortiz: Huh, can't even pay him a compliment.