Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Rizzo the Rat: It's some kind of a blind fiend. The Great Gonzo: I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend.

Rizzo the Rat: He died, and this is supposed to be a kids movie?

Rizzo the Rat: I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience.

The Great Gonzo: I'm getting taller. This is cool; I may have a future in the NBA

Billy Bones: Beware lad, beware! Jim Hawkins: What, the one-legged man? Billy Bones: Aye, but also, beware running with scissors or any other pointy object! It's all good fun, until someone loses an eye!

Rizzo the Rat: What's wrong? Gonzo: It just feels so weird. Rizzo the Rat: You mean that Mr. Aeral's dead? Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish. Rizzo the Rat: You and your hobbies!

Statler: "Take a cruise," you said! "See the world," you said! Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship! Waldorf: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience!

First Pirate: Dead Tom is dead! Long John shot him! Second Pirate: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.

Floyd: I'm confused. Are we with the pirates or with the frog captain? Dr. Teeth: Just play the gig, man. Never get involved in politics.

Rizzo: Captured by crazed wild boars and about to be sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar! Gonzo: Are we lucky or what?

Gonzo: One leg, Jim, count'em, one.

Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar! Captain Smollet: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet. Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog! You're supposed to have cold feet!

Benjamina Gunn: All right! No more Ms. Nice Guy!

Captain Abraham Smollett: Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them? [Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger.] Your finger hired the crew? Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly! The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew.