Long Kiss Goodnight, The (1996)

Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Mitch Henessey: I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.

Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: Oh honey, only four inches? Timothy: You'll feel me.

Mitch Henessey: Everyone knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption.

Mitch Henessey: We jumped out of a building! Nathan: Yes, it was very exciting. Tomorrow we go to the zoo.

Mitch Henessey: I'm always frank and earnest with women. Uh, in New York I'm Frank, and Chicago I'm Ernest.

Samantha: What happened back there? Mitch: I saved your ass. It was great!

Mitch: The last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel.

[Holding a knife to the neck of a woman's child] Timothy: You're about to have 2.4 children.

[Samantha notices the gun in Mitch's pocket] Samantha Caine: It makes a bulge, people can see! Mitch Henessey: Do ya want me to stick it in my pants and shoot my damn dick off? Samantha Caine: Now you're a sharpshooter?

Charly: You're gonna die screaming.

Mitch: So, you cold? Charly: Yeah, freezing. Mitch: Well turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noise that distracts from the cold.

Charly: I'm leaving the country, Mitch. I need a fake passport and I need money, lots of it. Mitch: Well why didn't you say so? Hold on a minute while I pull that outta my ass.

Charly: I let you touch me, cowboy. I think I need a bath.

Charly: You couldn't hit a lake if you were standing on the bottom.

Charly Baltimore: Life is pain. Get used to it!

Hal: I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't swear. Oh shit! I DO smoke and drink!

Mitch Henessey: You know, back when we first met, you were all like "Oh phooey, I burned the darn muffins." Now, you go into a bar and ten minutes later sailors come runnin' up. What up with that?

Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: They're gonna blow my head off, you know. This is the last time I'll ever be pretty.

Mitch Henessey: I never did one thing right in my life, you know that? Not one. That takes skill.

Thug: Good evening lady. How about some company? Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: No thanks, I'm saving myself 'til I get raped.

Samantha Caine: What are you, a Mormon? Mitch Henessey: Yes, I'm a Mormon. That's why I just smoked a packet of Newports and drank three vodka tonics.

Nathan: Alice, please? Your dog, Alice -- it and my appetite are mutually exclusive. Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog? Nathan: Simple: he's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention and I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge, is either gone for good... or there to stay.

Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons? Mitch Henessey: I took lessons.

Charline "Charly" Elizabeth Baltimore: Easy, sport. I got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey. Mitch Henessey: Yeah, well don't be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.