Hudson Hawk (1991)

Hudson Hawk: Will you play Nintendo with me? Annie: I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with.

George Kaplan: The last time you saw me I was bald, beard with no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended Hudson Hawk: My high school science teacher?

Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.

Darwin Mayflower: You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week son of a bitch.

[To a waiter at a classy Italian restaurant.] Butterfinger: Yo, Pierre! Read my lips: steak burger!

Cardinal: Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA!

Darwin Mayflower: History! Tradition! Culture! Are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!

Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom! Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Byarsky? I can get you an address on that, if you want.

Hudson Hawk: You fuck my freedom for a lousy job?

Narrator: Long ago, the Duke of Milan commissioned a little known artist to erect a Mammoth statue of a horse. The time was 1481. The artist was Leonardo da Vinci. The guy on the donkey's just a guy on a donkey.

[Hawk has just decapitated a villain.] Hudson Hawk: Looks like you won't be attending that hat convention in July.

Gates: I got a proposition for ya. Hudson Hawk: Answer's "no," Gates... Even if you bathe.

Hudson Hawk: But I want to do community service; I want to teach the handicapped how to yodel.

Hudson Hawk: If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."

Dean: 673 Wongs in the phone book. Jerry: Hmmm. That's a helluva lotta wong numbers.

Tommy Five-Tone: Did I miss anything? Hudson Hawk: Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything." Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything." I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre and said "How was the show? Did I miss anything?"

Hudson Hawk: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for getting a job in the artworld?

Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem. Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto Darwin.

Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.

George Kaplan: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician. Hudson Hawk: Why George you old softie. George Kaplan: God, I miss Communism. The Red threat... people were scared... the agency had some respect and I got laid every night.

Waiter: I am the waiter sir. Hudson Hawk: Oh. Very nice. Fettucini con fungi porcinni. Prego. Oh, and bring me a bottle of ketchup, will ya? Anna Baragli: You heard him. Waiter: Ketchup! Ketchup!!! Stupid Americanos always ketchup...

Darwin Mayflower: The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter... Minerva Mayflower: ...on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris. Hudson Hawk: As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?

Darwin Mayflower: If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us.

Anna Baragli: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it. I'm not sure when. Cardinal: "Attempt to steal," you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk! The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.