Half Baked (1998)

Thurgood Jenkins: You have smoked yourself retarded.

Thurgood Jenkins: Guess what? I got more booty! I got more booty!

Thurgood Jenkins: I got some bootie! I got some bootie! It was good, too.

Thurgood Jenkins: Now, don't get me wrong, I love weed. I love it. But not as much as I love pussy.

Thurgood Jenkins: Oh my goodness! Now that is a titty! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Thurgood Jenkins: Don't get me wrong, I love weed. But there is nothing that compares to pussy. The end.

Kenny Davis: You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!

Kenny Davis: No. NO. NO!! Devil man! Devil 6-6-6, the mark of the beast! No! Naughty! Naughty jungle of love!

[Kenny asks what he should get to eat.] Brian: Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Das ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make smores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons. Kenny Davis: That's it?

Brian: Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons. Kenny Davis: That's it? Thurgood Jenkins: Yeah, one more thing. Remember that stuff? We used to eat a whole lot of it back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.

Cocaine Addict: Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?

Enhancement Smoker: You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.

Brian: First of all, to understand how Killer the Dog died, you have to understand who Killer the Dog was. Now Killer was born to a three-legged bitch terrier, and he was always ashamed of it, man. But then comes this man, Stein, a promotion guy and dog fighting coach and he buys Killer and you know what? soon Killer is good, damn good. But then, he's put up against his brother, Nibbles. And Killer is like, "Hey, man, I can't fight my own brother!" But he had to fight him anyway. And killer killed Nibbles. So that's it, then Killer started calling off all his fights, he started smoking crack and then he just lost his mind, until his heart just stopped and his tired body collapsed. Wow. Thurgood Jenkins: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but you have been smoking entirely too much reefa.

The Guy on the Couch: Hey, is it January? Thurgood Jenkins: No, it's August. The Guy on the Couch: Really?

Brian: For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a pouch, man! Thurgood Jenkins: Who the fuck told you that? Brian: The man who sold it to me, Barry Garcia. Thurgood Jenkins: So who is that, Jerry Garcia's brother? Brian: No, actually it was Andy Garcia's brother.