Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

Candy Striper: Well, hello, Sad Sally and Serious Sue! How about a nice cool mint to turn those frowns upside down? Loretta: Would a nice cool mint help if I shoved your head up your ass?

Becky Ann Leeman: Jesus doesn't like quitters.

[During the pageant interview] John Dough: Name and spell all the United States in alphabetical order. Amber Atkins: Seriously?

Loretta: Now you listen to me, Amber. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people.

Amber Atkins: Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I am signing up 'cause two of my favorite persons in the world competed in pageants: my mom and Diane Sawyer. Of course, I want to end up more like Diane Sawyer than my mom.

Gladys Leeman: You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America!

Voice of Documentarian: So what was the theme of the pageant last year? Gladys Leeman: Last year? It was, "Buy American." Voice of Documentarian: And the year before that? Gladys Leeman: "U.S.A. is A-okay." Voice of Documentarian: Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? Gladys Leeman: "Can I? I'm Amer-I-Can!" People ask me where I get this. I don't know, it's, maybe a gift from God or somethin'.

Voice of Documentarian: So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of pageants over the years? John: Nope. No. Uh-uh. Never judged a pageant before in my life. Nope. No way. Never around young girls. Even if I was, why would I wanna be, y'know? I- I- I don't get off on that kinda thing and that's really why you're askin', right? ...S- someone say somethin'?

Hank Vilmes: Ow, Harold, Mom said not the head. Harold Vilmes: Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap. Hank Vilmes: I will if you shut your piehole. Harold Vilmes: Don't make me kick ya where the good Lord split ya.

Loretta: Are we on "Cops" again?

Loretta: Can one of yous boys give me a ride home? Annette Atkins: Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down. Loretta: So? Be real easy. Annette Atkins: Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. Loretta: Anyone?

Gladys Leeman: He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!

Pastor: And so, dear Lord, it is with deep sadness that we turn over to you this young woman, whose dream to ride on a giant swan resulted in her death. Maybe it is your way of telling us... to buy American.

Amber Atkins: My mom never hid the fact that my dad chose his career over us. What was it she always said? Loretta: Once a carnie, always a carnie.

Annette Atkins: Who's this? Amber Atkins: Oh, they're here to film me for their movie. Annette Atkins: If they ask you to take your top off, get the money first.

[Answering "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"] Becky Ann Leeman: I'd have good strong roots in a town like Mt. Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches for handicapped children to use as shelter.