Cable Guy, The (1996)

Chip Douglas: Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!

Chip Douglas: Hey Steve I'm on a pay phone, so if you're there pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, well OK, call me back.

Chip Douglas: Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Chip Douglas: Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!

Wench: There are no utensils in medieval times, thus, there are no utensils AT Medeival Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?

Chip Douglas: I'll juice ya up.

Chip Douglas: Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas: He who hesitates, masturbates.

Chip Douglas: Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!

Chip Douglas: I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!

Chip Douglas: I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable!

Chip: You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.

Rick: Look, Chip Douglas, I don't know what your story is, but I'm going to find out! Chip Douglas: Well, don't dig to deep or you might get burnt by the molten lava!

Steven: You're right. That's incredibly insightful. Chip: I know. It was Jerry Springer's final thought on Friday's show.

Chip Douglas: This concludes our broadcast day. Click.